Part of a parent’s job is to instill good habits and discipline into their offspring.  Phrases like “make your bed, do your homework, and eat your vegetables” come fast and easy when they’re directed at a child.  But living by the same set of rules that are parceled out to kids is not so easy.  Case in point, I routinely leave my bed unmade and vegetables on my plate.

Discipline has been sorely lacking in my life as of late.  I can easily come up with an excuse as to why I “deserve” to sit in front of the TV for 3 hours while, simultaneously, justifying that I have no time for my french homework.   I would never let me kid get away with that.  It’s time for a crack down!

So here’s the challenge I’ve presented to myself and I’d like to invite you to join me.

From now on, I will treat myself with as much loving discipline as I would a beloved child. 

The phrase “It’s for your own good” will now be directed at myself when I am behaving like a brat and refusing to do the right thing. 

There will be consequences to not obeying my own rules.  For example, no TV until my homework is done.  (I’m sure you’ve all heard or said that before!) 

I would love to hear from all of you who decide to participate in this challenge.  I think we could learn a lot from each other as we discipline ourselves into achieving our dreams and creating a life we love.

I remember how LONG it took for my friend’s daughter to walk from the house to the car when she was a toddler.  Starting at around 2 years old and lasting till she was about 5, she literally stopped and smelled every flower along the way.   It drove my friend nuts!  She was usually in a hurry and, because of her daughter’s penchant for the flowers, was always running late and constantly admonishing her to hurry up.

It was a source of real frustration and guilt.  After all, badgering your kid to STOP smelling the flowers seems wrong!  We all know that kids are on their own time table.  Fully in the moment, they are unaware of traffic, appointments and deadlines.  As adults we have to pay attention to these details that escape a child but we often overlook the real pleasures of life in our rush to get it all done.

It’s all in the balance and, eventually, my friend found hers.  She started leaving a little earlier so they’d have time to stop and smell a few roses.  Lo and behold, she realized she enjoyed it as much as her daughter did!

You don’t have to have a toddler in your life to slow down, stop even, and smell the roses.  You just have to SEE them and take the extra minute to truly enjoy them.  Build some “Smell the Roses” time into your day and you’ll find the day is a whole lot more pleasant!

Like most adults, my food choices have changed considerably since I was a kid.  Asparagus, poached salmon and sushi are now on my list of favorite foods.  You wouldn’t have caught me eating raw fish to save my life when I was younger!

But, every now and then, I long for a simpler, and less expensive, meal.  PB & J, mac and cheese, tomato soup with grilled cheese sandwiches and ding dongs beckon at these moments.  Like a siren call, the foods of my childhood are near irresistible.

It’s not only about the taste of the food.  In fact, I’d say it’s more about the comforting feeling I get eating it.  It takes me back to a time when my biggest worry was the math homework I had to do.  A time when my sheets were warm and fresh and I didn’t have to wash them; when my dinner was on the table with no effort on my part.

Whenever I want comfort food, I return to those foods from my childhood.  I make a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup or some mac and cheese.  Then I curl up on my couch with a TV tray and watch “I Love Lucy” reruns.  It’s the least expensive vacation from the worries of life that I can take.

Anyone looking to get off the merry go round, slow down and lose themselves in a simple meal will not be disappointed.  One important tip, if you decide to indulge, add a glass of red wine to the menu!  Mange!

Kids are proud to tell their age.  In fact, they usually embellish it some!  I’m 4 and a half; I’m almost 5.  Even teenagers eagerly anticipate being the big milestones…16, 18, 21.  But ask someone their age after 21 and suddenly your are deemed “rude” and the room goes silent.  When an age is revealed, years are subtracted to rather than added to the number.

Looking at this objectively, it makes no sense.  Haven’t we earned every bit of wisdom accumulated through those years?  And, the alternative to growing older is death, so is it really such a bad thing?

I think the birthday party illustrates my point perfectly.  When we’re kids we count the months and days to our birthday celebration.  There is always some sort of party planned whether it’s a blow out or a family get together.  We are beyond excited at the prospect of our friends and family gathering to celebrate with presents, games and cake.

Fast forward 20 years and you’ll hear statements like “I just want to forget it’s my birthday” or “I don’t want a party.”  It’s just downright SAD.  I mean we’re getting older anyway. so why not celebrate every year we’re given?  And, make no mistake, every  year is gift.

So what to do in the face of pressure to be younger than we actually are?  I say, practice saying your real age out loud.  Proudly announce your birthday and throw a party.  Accept all cards and gifts joyfully.  Eat cake and drink champagne.  It’s what I plan on doing.  I’m 48 and a half.  Only about 6 more months to my birthday!

Spring always brings up memories of Richard Biggs, the man to whom I dedicated my children’s book, You & Me.  He had a March birthday and then passed away in May.  So, in this time of renewal, I revisit his life and remember how he changed the world we live in.

Richard was an actor and starred on television shows such as Days of Our Lives, Any Day Now, Babylon 5, and Strong Medicine, so many people knew who he was in a public way.  Always kind, always gracious, he was an extraordinary human being.  I learned many lessons from him.  In fact, even now he influences me to be a better person.

As part of my trip down memory lane this year, I looked back at articles written after his death and came across a quote from Matthew Ashford, a co star of his on Days of Our Lives.  “He (Richard) made me feel comfortable.  He was accepting of everyone, every race, creed, color, size and shape…We’d all do a lot better if we took that lead of enjoying and appreciating everyone for all their strengths and potential.”

Though I read that quote years ago and consciously wrote You & Me about Rick’s and my friendship, it really hit home how perfectly the book summed up his life.  Rick’s heart was wide open and, because of this, he  touched so many lives.

I’m comforted by the thought that I won’t ever forget Rick.  Each time I pick up You & Me, each time I see a child’s face light up when they see themselves in the book, I see Rick’s face.  I remember all that was wonderful about him and I hope the book passes the unique gifts he brought to this world on to the next generation.

The advent of cable enables us to spend all our free time sitting in front of what my father aptly named ”The Boob Tube.”  Meaning, you would ended up a real boob or idiot if you sat in front of it too long.

The constant bombardment of advertisements between the shows makes too much television dangerous, not only to my intellect, but my pocketbook and waistline, as well.  I come down with a serious case of the “I wants” when I watch too much TV.  “Oh, I want that dress, that perfume, that extra large pepperoni pizza!”  You get my point.  And the phrase ”zone out in front of the TV” says it all.  Do I really want to spend all my free time sitting on a couch, zoned out and disconnected from real life?  Which, I’ve discovered, is definitely not represented accurately in reality television.

I’m not saying I’m going to throw out my TV.  I’m just saying, I’m going to use it more wisely.  After all, I wouldn’t sacrifice my kids creativity and individuality to the television, why sacrifice my own?  Besides, I don’t know about you, but I have no intention of ending up a “boob!”

Then I “grew up”  and started complaining that I was tired and stressed out and depressed…you get my drift.  In fact, I must confess, I’ve felt so “tired” the last few weeks that, not only didn’t I want to do the dishes but I didn’t want to do anything else either!

Luckily, I dragged my ass out of bed to have coffee with my friend, Kristen.  She pulled me out of my slump with a magical observation…  “When you are excited about things, you are full of brilliant ideas.  You are MAGNIFICENT!”  Wow!  I truly felt magnificent, and, consequently, full of energy in that moment.  The magnificence carried me through the rest of my work day and beyond.

But this observation is not for me alone.  It is for each one of us.  When we we look at the world with fresh eyes, magic happens.  We can, once again, see the possibility in ourselves and everyone else.  So, close your eyes for just a moment and, as you open them, say to yourself, “you are magnificent!”  Even a sink full of dishes can’t get the magnificent down!

Ignoring my gut instinct is always where the trouble starts with me.  The little voice screams “Don’t trust them”  and it comes through loud and clear.  Unfortunately, I drown it out with unreasonable reasons for ignoring it.

The writer, Hannah Moore, said it best.  “The ingenuity of self-deception is inexhaustible.”  But the older I get, the more I realize that listening to my gut and acting on what it’s telling me is the best way to personal satisfaction and happiness.  The sense of freedom I feel when I do what my gut instinct is telling me far outweighs what I give up.  And what is it that I give up?  Usually, someone else’s approval.

So toss out your anxiety pills and tune into your gut.   If that means laying on the floor, kicking and screaming until you get in touch with what your instincts are telling you, so be it.   Once you know and act on the truth that lives inside you, you’ll feel the freedom you once felt as a kid.   The rest is child’s play.

Audrey after the fight

Now, a fist fight between 2 adults would probably mean bad blood forever, even if it was over something so inconsequential as a parking space.  But, back at pre-school, the two girls took up their friendship right where they left off.  No hard feelings.

Why was it so easy for them to forgive and forget?  Audrey has a great memory for anything we’ve ever done together, so I don’t believe she didn’t remember the fight.  I think she just doesn’t dwell in the negative.  There are too many fun things that life has to offer, including friendship, that’s more important to her than a fight over a toy.  Luckily, her mother knows this, too, so the matter was dropped without further incident and life has gone on.

As the elections approach and political, ideological and religious beliefs are at a fever point  As we try to find our way out of the war and into peace.  As the world gets smaller and smaller because of technological advances, it’s more important than ever to practice forgiveness and, for that matter, tolerance.  In fact, a little more tolerance would mean a lot less forgiveness would be necessary.  But the next time you do have a fight with someone, take a page out of Audrey’s book, and pick yourself up, dust yourself off and forgive all over again!

As an adult, I know that everything’s not going to go my way.  However, the child in me still objects to this concept and I’m not the only one. The term “Me Generation” wasn’t coined for nothing.

Case in point, a University of Michigan study of  13,737 college students in the U.S. at the Institute for Social Research, found that young people today, compared to college students in the late 1970′s, are 40% lower in empathy than their counterparts of 20 or 30 years ago.The researchers reported than there has been a 48% decrease in empathetic concern and a 34% decrease in perspective taking between 1979 and 2009. The researchers also reported that today’s college students were less likely to have empathetic feelings for people less fortunate than them.  Meaning they were less likely to “walk in the other person’s shoes.”  In light of the state of our economy and the world we live in, those are some scary stats.

But all hope is not lost and I say this because of kids like Rachel Beckwith.  This 9 year old asked friends and family to donate money to Charity: Water in lieu of birthday presents last year.   Unfortunately, Rachel was killed in a car crash a few months later but her dream did not die.  Her goal was to raise $300 and, after her passing, donations totalled $1,265,823.  The legacy she leaves behind is something I will never forget.  My mandate for the year? Stop whining and do something unselfish to improve the world we live in.  I think Rachel would agree.

Rachel Beckwith